then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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