Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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