Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
whose parrot is this?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
