so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
