Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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