"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize