How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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