You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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