Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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