I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
