I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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