If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
is wine microwaveable?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
