Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
