She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
