Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
