Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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