i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize