Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
