You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
