You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
