But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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