Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
