I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
