Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
