Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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