After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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