i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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