I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
