I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
