Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
