Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
