I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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