She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
