Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
