I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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