Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
