i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is Oprah even human
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
