you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
