i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
