I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
