What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
