you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Blood and glitter go together right?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
