I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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