idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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