and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
