please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
