another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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