Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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