this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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