Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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