my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
