I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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