At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
