Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Randomize
