There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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