Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
