her vagine was all disorganized.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
