Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Holy sore nipples Batman
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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