how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
