FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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