and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
