You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
