dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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