Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So. Much. Porn.
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