Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize