i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize