she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize