I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
