i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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