Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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