I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize