I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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