im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
