no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
