just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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