It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize