whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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