So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize