I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
