She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
